Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The age of doom

I'm forty in a few weeks time, and I'm really not looking forward to it. I've banned parties, as I don't feel the need to 'celebrate', plus I've had a gutsful of other people's fortieth parties over the last few months.

Is forty old ? It's older than thirty nine for sure, but is it really old ? Odds are that I'm over halfway to pushing up daisies, which is a tad fatalistic, but probably right. I just don't feel forty, whatever feeling forty is, but I'm fairly sure I don't want to feel it anyway.

What have I achieved in forty years ? I've managed to be fortunate enough to have a happy relationship with a woman I love very much, and have two children from our marriage that I am proud of and adore, but that's not really an achievement as such is it ? I am fairly successful if life achievement can be judged in monetary terms, which more importantly means I more than provide for my family. I have managed to have career happiness, but that sure took its fucking time, and I sure as hell made some gargantuan fuck ups on the way. I have travelled extensively and was fortunate to spend quite a bit of my childhood living in different countries. But again, are this things I've achieved, or simply things that have happened to me ?

This is not a post I've enjoyed reading back, it's whiny, and I'm not generally whiny, but I'm just not looking forward to being in my forties. A is sensible enough, and knows me well enough ( I hope) not to bollocks around with surprise parties. In the event that she is foolish enough to do so, I will invite the assembled throng to politely fuck off, and go and drown myself in a vat of red wine.

11 comments:

Brennig said...

Ah, it's all nowt to worry about. My 40th was precisely what I wanted; 15 of my closest friends in a pubin rural Somerset; booze, food and a lock-in. Afterwards, a stagger across the road to the pre-booked B&B. Full English breakfast the next morning, it was brilliant.

Age is immaterial; I'm 51, never felt younger or fitter, have lots of irons in the fire, take part in dangerous sports most weekends, married to a gorgeous young woman who thinks the world of me (as I do of her). I really feel 15 years old. Soph says I'm much younger than her (she's 29).

I believe you get out of life what you put in. To me it sounds as if you're putting loads in; no worries about what you've achieved.

Vi said...

I know exactly how you feel. Mines at the end of August. Some mates have talked about having a party for me, but I've told them I'm happy to just be celebrating it with my family in Spain. I really don't give two hoots about anyone else.

Gumpher said...

B, you are quite right, I know that I am suffering from 40 itis and life is good.

Vi, buggering off is a good call, sangria and, ooops

Bob said...

Could be worse - could be fifty. (Oh to be a chld of fifty again.)

Girl Vino said...

You are only as old as you feel. Look around at some of those in their 50s and 60s who are doing it their way and lovin' it. I turned 30 nearly a whole year ago now and I didn't think leading up to this event that I cared all that much, but the closer I got, the more fretful I became. But what had I achieved (sounding familiar?) Career of my choice, solid and happy marriage, two beautiful children (who are able to turn into satan's spawn in the blink of an eye!). Age does not make the person. You and your friends and family make you who you are. It sounds like you've done plenty of interesting things. Start thinking about all the new things you want to do. Cheer up you!

Bob said...

Oh, by the way, I answered your question in the comments of my most recent post.

Gumpher said...

Apologies to all for not replying to comments, bad form. I've been away on site and getting home knackered with not much inclination to blog. Back in the groove sooon.

nuttycow said...

Morning. Having just reached the hideous milestone of being closer to 30 than 20 (blogpost on this up today I hope) I can sort of sympathise but in reverse. Whereas you're wondering whether you've achieved life, I'm wondering whether I ever will.

As your other commenters say... life is what you make of it. And, at least you can say you've lived to see the Welsh beat England in the 6 nations ;)

Gumpher said...

Nutty,
Thirty is cool,forty is not. But that's just me.
Watching Wales beat England is becoming a habit !

Peach said...

you may not think it but what you have achieved many dream of. A happy house with family. Some money. Your health. I'm not meaning to sound trite, but everytime I feel down I remember how lucky I am. You're a lucky guy - I hope you enjoy your birthday! X

Gumpher said...

Peach, I know you're right, sometimes I just need to be a grumpy bugger.