After a fantastic couple of weeks on a beautiful sun drenched island it's just peachy to be back in good old blighty with more mad muslims, pissing rain, an interest rate rise and a miserable Scottish twat in power. Welcome back. Still, a corking time was had by all members of family Gumpher. A stunning room on the beach, wonderful people, superb food. A downside was the cheapness of beer and fags, which due to the price I felt obliged to consume in industrial quantities and as a consequence am now both porky and wheezy.

If the weather stays like this I'm go to knuckle down for a few weeks and then take the tribe down to Portugal for a bit. I'm bollocksed if I'm spending a whole summer in this dampness.