Off they go again......

Our troops our being killed in Afghanistan and Iraq. Hospitals are closing wards and making redundancies to avoid deficits. We live under a seemingly continual 'terror' threat, so what are the governments' new initiatives to do something about all this and to address these important situation?

Appoint a new minister with a responsibility for fitness. You couldn't fucking well make it up.Apparently were all going to be quite fat in a few years, and we need a minister to tell us how not to be quite as fat. Now I know there are a lot of extraordinarily thick people in this country, but I'm sure that most of them realise that if they swapped their diet of lard and lager for juice and salad, and spent less time with x boxes and sky and went for the odd walk instead that they might shed a few pounds. But no, the all seeing Labour government thinks they have to gently massage the message to the fatarsed masses. The new minister is a rarity in that she's one of the few politicians who would be worth giving a portion of pork sword to.

And then they wheel out the shining personality that is Ruth Kelly to help us with integration. I'm sorry, last time I checked I was British, living in Great Britain, I've been fairly well integrated for a while thanks. If others choose to live here, they can integrate or cock off back to where they came from. Also, I'm not going to take lessons in equality from a woman who's a member of a dodgy Catholic group who has never attended any vote concerning gay rights

Pimp my Saab

My six year old has developed a strange fascination with Pimp my Ride, (6.30 weekdays C5, if you're interested). It's led to some strange language entering the Gumpher household. I walk in from work,

'Hi chum'

'Hey dawg'

Hmmm

'Good day ?'

'Yeah, went swimming. Dad, can we pimp the Saab ?'

'Uh , no, I don't think it would go down that well if I turned up to meetings in a pimped Saab'

'What about Mum's ?'

' Chap, how do you go about pimping an Astra estate ?'

Thanks a bunch Westwood. Can't wait to get a call from school to find out he's called his god fearing teacher a badass ho.

Dumbing down ?

A level results yet again see an increase in A grades and pass rates

A girl pictured on the front of The Times today acheived 10 A grades. TEN ?! How the hell can you take ten A levels ? I took three back in '86. History, English Lit and Economics, and it was bloody hard work. I didn't get brilliant results as I decided that playing rugby and chasing skirt was far more enjoyable than studying, but still had a full week. Thirty five periods in a week. Take out six for games and three for 'study' periods, about eight a week per subject. So in this girls case, around three a week. How on earth can you learn enough about a subject to be examined two years later by only studying it for a couple of hours each week ?

I am sick to the back teeth of Muslims/Islam. I'm not racist, I'm certainly religionist (?) especially when it involves mass murder and bigotry in the name of your God. I don't support our involvement in Afghanistan or Iraq for reasons previously stated, which are very different reasons than those of Muslims. What I really don't get is their view of their own importance as a minority, and why there views need to be addressed. The adverts recently published in national newspapers were a shocker. I don't agree with our current foreign policy, but in a country of some 65 million inhabitants, a minority of 1.5 million suggesting or demanding that our democratically elected government changes its foreign policy is just plain daft. The view that they are being vicitimised is also wrong. The recent atrocities, and if we are to believe the current position, planned atrocities are the work of young Asian muslims, and the security services are damned right to concentrate their investigations on this group of people. For fuck's sake, were not worried by the radicalised faction of the Welsh Baptist shoe bombers chapter are we ? And as for intigration, don't even get me started. if you visit an Arab muslim country the respect of their religion is demanded, not expected. If these people want to come and live in this country, and have families in this country, its about time they bloody well integrated. Islam is not the religion of Great Britain, and Sharia Law is not the law of the land, how about a big portion of wake the fuck up, because the only people causing any kind of racial divide in our country our the Muslims themselves.

Not very well put across, but I've now got to the point of being a tad cheesed off. Just come out and say that what is happening is not acceptable, and as leaders within our community we are going to help the authorities in every way we can, with no strings attached. Otherwise we are fully aware we can live in Iran, Saudi, Afghanistan or Syria, (probably not Iraq, because we're a bit scared of that, we're allowed to do just as we please here )
And next time we get these illegal demonstrations threatening and glorifying death in the name of their prophit, will the police kindly break it up like they did with the miners, who only wanted a job.

Are they bored ?

They must be if the leaked report of the new transport plans are to be believed. I am not a ranting pro car nerd a la Clarkson ( although he does make me giggle ) but I do need a car for work. It needs to be half decent, to portray a certain image to clients, but not flash, portraying the wrong image. It needs to be big enough to carry the boys and the associated crap that goes with it, and I like a reasonable turn of speed. Like everyone else (apart from the peasant under class who don't give a toss) I pay insurance, road tax and fuel duty, a fairly tidy sum to the treasury each year. So why the fuck are they considering a plan to charge by the mile on all roads. To get people on public transport ? Bollocks, it won't work. I can't use trains, what's the point, I'd always have to use a car at either end of the journey, they're bloody expensive and they're usually broken. I generally have meetings with my main client once a week which is a 102 mile round trip, takes about an hour each way. If the figure of £1.34 per mile is accurate this trip will cost me £136.68 a week, or six and a half grand a year allowing for holidays. Six and a half grand a year to visit one company with fuel on top. It doesn't take a genius to figure out just how retarded this is. And the real stupidity is that they know people will continue to use their cars, and will sit in them cursing the new charges, but knowing that they have to use the car. Total lunacy and another cunty way to squeeze yet more tax out of us.

Retard boy

Fab few days in Italy, in the mountains above Lake Como. I love the lakes, stunning scenery, although you need to ring the bank for a mortgage top up to go out to dinner. Great times catching up with my best buddie from school days who now lives in hong Kong. His two boys are a few years older than ours, but they all got on famously. We camped in the garden of his folks house, and their hospitality was superb. They were completely unfazed by the invasion of four loud little boys and two blokes who should know better getting two years worth of drinking crammed into four nights. It really was great to see him, we've known each other since we were ten, shared dorms, studies and then a flat after leaving school, and although we don't see each other for a few years at a time nothing changes.

I excelled myself on the way back and got the flight times wrong. Oops. A hundred euro taxi trip to brescia airport, two hundred and forty to rearrange the flights, and one very stroppy wife who eventually spoke to me as we drove into the village. Actually she did call me a twat at the check in desk, but that was her final word for ten hours. There's an upside to everything then.

Still very angry about Afghanistan, and have a sense of 'what the fuck ?' about Lebanon. Its odd how Isreal can do what the fuck it likes without any international condemnation. Okay, they had two soldiers kidnapped, but talk about a sledgehammer to crack a walnut. What if the IRA kidnapped two British soldiers in the 70's and we bombed the crap out of Dublin as a response ? Madness.